Charles Manson’s Wedding Vows

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I promise to be brand new, and myself, and me, and nobody else but me. 

I promise to always walk a real road, and to not be no sniveler.

I promise to be the consciousness uplifting your mind. I will unleash the scorpions that protect you from the devils of your reality.

I promise to love you, but what is love? What is love, see what I’m saying? What is love? If a man knows anything about love, how can he ever love? See? See? He has to invent love, or die like all those other phonies.

I promise to be what lives inside of you. Because I’m the king, man. I roll the nickels. I deal the cards.

I promise to stomach your truth, and to rammich kajeeba jee jee de wogga bogga. 

**FLAILS ARMS RAPIDLY** 

I’m the razor, see? I will never be no poop-butt. You will find that out. I’m gonna take you home to your mamma, you dig me?

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About Josh Flaum

Occasionally, I will buy a shirt with horizontal stripes and have immediate regrets.

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